Intaglio: Dragons All The Way Down by Stone Danika

Author:Stone, Danika [Stone, Danika]
Language: eng
Format: epub, mobi
Publisher: Dancing Dog Productions / www.danikastone.com
Published: 2012-09-30T21:00:00+00:00

Chapter 18: The Darkness Between

There was a long moment after Cole said it... admitted to the anger he’d been feeling for years. Ava just stared at him in confusion. In the dim haze from the security light, the blue of her eyes was so dark it seemed almost black. Dreamlike.

“You’re angry at Hanna?” she asked, perplexed.

Cole sighed, shaking his head. It came to him that he’d never really said this aloud... not in years. Not since his mother’s funeral. Even then, he didn’t get to say it clearly. (His father hadn’t wanted to hear it.)

“No, not Hanna...” he admitted.

Ava’s expression shifted as the rest of the story appeared. He could actually see the moment she understood.

“Your mom.” This time it wasn’t a question.

The secret hung between them like the mist from their breaths.

Cole nodded.

“Yeah. You can’t believe how angry I was at her...” He stumbled. “...how angry I am at her.”

Ava reached for his hand. She was frowning like she was trying to solve a difficult equation without a calculator. Cole realized that though he had told her about the facts of his childhood, he really hadn’t said much about what he felt like when it was happening.

“You ever talk to Marta about it in your sessions?” she asked. “Or the ones with your dad?”

The suggestion was disconcerting and he choked, the cold air turning his breath into white clouds.

“Twice,” he muttered. “Dad freaked out.”

She nodded, her thumb rubbing circles into the back of his hand. She chewed the inside of her lip, eyes unfocused, as if gnawing away at an idea. He had the urge to kiss her, here on the grated step of the fire escape. His heart ached with all the things he wanted to tell her... needed her to know and understand about him.

“What do you talk about in your sessions with your dad?” she asked gently.

He shrugged.

“Hanna mainly... Dad has lots to say about her.”

Ava's smile was pained, as if the thought hurt her. Somehow that made Cole feel better, that she wasn’t making light of this. He leaned in, kissing her chastely, then pulled back again. He hadn’t let go of her hand.

“How do you feel about Hanna?” she asked.

Cole made a low, whistling sound as he exhaled, his body growing heavier as he thought about her. Hanna’s memory had been with him for so long; until recently, Cole hadn’t known how to think of himself without the perspective of his older sister. (The person he wasn’t.) In the last two months of counselling, he’d come to realize that much of who he was had been shaped by Hanna Thomas. As a result, his perspective had changed about her.

“What is she to you?” Ava prompted.

His eyes drifted out to the snow-covered city beyond the steps, velvet black lit by golden pools of light, coins thrown atop an ink-soaked sheet. That, he realized, was how he remembered Hanna: individual bright moments lighting the darkness. The group were linked together in a chain of meaning.

“I dunno,” he began.

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